It’s a strange experience to find out your mom died the previous week from a message sent by your step-daughter. I knew this day might come, but I didn’t expect to feel… whatever this is. Especially since I’m not supposed to feel anything, right? But I did.

I’d just gotten out of an audit we’d bombed. I got into my car relieved it was over, that I could go home and rest on a Friday night after a long, grueling week. Let my body recover over the weekend so I could face the findings on Monday. I sat there with a sigh of relief, opened my phone to set up Android Auto, and saw the message:

“Hey, I just saw that your mom passed. I’m sorry for your loss 🩷.”

It stopped me dead. A wave of nausea moved through my body. I almost felt like I was going to pass out. Then a flood of resolve: such emotions are not allowed for the estranged.

Can anyone out there relate to that?

If this is something you’re also processing. maybe you’ll find your way here.